Awesome Yaro

It's old, but it is a lulu: Microsoft trying to market Windows Vista as something revolutionary, rather than the horrible piece of bloated garbage it really is.

No, I'm not talking about the Mojave Experiment, wherein Microsoft showed lied about Vista being a brand new concept operating system by Microsoft to find that no one was really impressed, so they lied and said everyone was. (Microsoft is not above lying.)

I'm talking about this little treat here. Microsoft... repeating themselves... over and over and over again about maybe about 5-6 features of Vista that aren't really all that great compared to other operating system's implementations of the "same" features.

I decided to go nuts and go ahead and expose myself to this repetitive nightmare.

"100 reasons you'll be speechless"

Oh, I'm speechless, all right, especially after having discovered the reality behind this operating system for several months.

"Seeing Windows Vista for the first time may leave you searching for words. Many people just say "Wow." Here are 100 reasons why."

I have yet to see anyone beyond maybe a Microsoft shill make any claims to being impressed by Vista. I was left searching for words, but probably not the same words Microsoft would like to hope I was searching for. The words I wanted to say were more akin to "dear god Microsoft has let loose another one."

"1. Windows Vista makes using your PC a breeze

Windows Vista features a breakthrough design and easy-to-use organizational tools that make it simpler to get things done and get on with life! Find what you need instantly, on your PC or on the web, with Instant Search. Bring more clarity to your tasks with the spectacular Windows Aero user experience and Windows Flip 3D,A allowing you to see everything you're working on at a glance. "

"Breeze" is not the word I would use. Damn, Vista ran like a slug on my machine that was supposedy Vista ready. Turns out that unless you have a computer that's expensive even by today's standards, Vista will always be slow. This computer I type on today has undergone numerous hardware changes, including a RAM upgrade, and I would have to say that Vista still didn't run like a "breeze." "Inebriated snail" might be a more accurate term.

Instant Search... didn't Microsoft call that Windows Live Search until they realized that they also called their search engine the same thing? No matter, Instant Search, that not-so-originally-named search engine Vista uses is just a shoddy copycat of Google Desktop. Better luck next time, Microsoft.

Windows Aero is another story... copycat of Aqua... except they did a rather poor job of it. Windows Flip 3D is nothing new to Linux or Mac OS X users, who had something like it for a few years before Microosft made their own. Note that the Linux version actually lets you configure it how you wish.

"2. Because all of your music is just a remote control click away

Navigate and play your music collection with just the click of a remote control! Windows Media Center and a compatible remote control let you quickly search and select tracks visually by album art, or by artist, album title, song, year, or genre. Share your Media Center screen and remote and give everyone the chance to mix and play their favorites."

Oh boy. Windows Media Center only likes to work with a very select numebr of PC remotes, usually just those made by Microsoft themselves. Not as handy as you might think. Also: Serious media center users would never use Windows Media Center (Yet another not-very-original name.) for what they want. Linux actually tends to fill a media center role thanks to things like MythTV or LinuxMCE, which support more formats and more hardware. That and Linux would actually do media center functions with less of the demand that Windows would be put under with WMC.

Personally? My media center is a softmodded XBox with XBMC installed as the default dashboard accessing Samba shares on this Linux box. Not as good as LinuxMCE, but I don't have the budget for serious media-crunching hardware.

"4. See your world in a whole new light

The breakthrough design of the Windows Aero user interface brings new clarity to your PC experience. With spectacular visual effects, like translucent glass-like menu bars that let you see behind your application window, you're one click away from everything you're working with. "

We begin repeating ourselves. Aero is a bit of an improvement over the default "fisher price" look and feel of Windows XP. But the visual effects Visa touts aren't very impressive, again when taken in comparison to Aqua (from Mac OS X) or Compiz Fusion (From Linux.) Actually, Aero only has maybe 5 visual effects to speak of:

1. Opacity effect.
2. Glass effect.
3. Window previews.
4. Fade Window Open/Close animation.
5. Flip 3D.

That's it. That's ALL Aero offers. Disappointing if you're used to the 96 individual plugins offered by Compiz Fusion offers. On top of that... those 5 seemingly powerless effects require 2 GiB of RAM to execute properly? What the hell? Compare that to Compiz Fusion, which can run nicely on just 256 MiB of RAM!

On top of that, Aero doesn't exactly offer much in the way of settings for its visual effects, whereas most the Compiz Fusion plugins are configurable to an almost ludicrous degree.

"5. It can find your stuff

All-new search and organization tools in Windows Vista will help you quickly find what you need on your hard drive or on the web. Instantly find and launch a document, photo, e-mail, song, video, file, or program on your PC with Instant Search."

Didn't we talk about Instant Search already? I repeat myself: Instant search is a shoddy copycat of Google Desktop that doesn't find things very reliably.

"6. Because you're always on the run

Windows Vista offers new mobility features that let you stay productive and entertained on the go. Windows Mobility Center, Network and Sharing Center, and Sync Center help you stay connected and keep your PC and portable devices up to date with your latest calendar, contacts, and music. Choose an ultra-light Tablet PC and use a digital pen to handwrite notes or make sketches on the run. Take a break and enjoy your favorite TV shows, movies, music, and games wherever you find yourself, with Windows Media Center on your notebook PC."

Lets see... I think Linux had tools like these available, often pre-installed on many distros for at least 5 years before Vista appeared. Tablet PCs were run on Linux a little longer than Windows, if I recall correctly. Sync Center reminds me of tool that is installed by default in Ubuntu since Warty (In 2004, a few years before Vista's release.). As for WMC... I can't imagine a better way to kill batteries. When on the go, I'll actually take my Treo: I can carry it in my pocket, I don't have to deal with windows, and I can listen to music from pTunes, read from Sied, and watch movies from TCPMP.

"7. Because you can freeze time

Organize a lifetime of photos and home movies with ease using Windows Photo Gallery. Tag your photos by date, keyword, star rating, or any identifying label you choose—so you can find them when you want them."

This should actually BE an operating system feature, just like media centers. Bundled, maybe, but I think there's better ways to organize your photos than what Microsoft decides you should organize them with. Personall, I don't organize them at all and leave them in a giant heap in my /home/yaro/Pictures folder.

"8. Your PC can take care of itself

Performance Self Tuning, Self-Healing technologies, Built-in Diagnostics, and repair tools keep your computer running at its best and provide automatic fixes, so you can spend less time dealing with problems and enjoy a more reliable PC experience. "

Apparently the Self Tuning never works, otherwise I'd have had Vista running nicely on this computer. But it probably assumes a little too much and does too little. Linux doesn't do this completely out of the box, but it's easy as hell to set up and it actually works (Prelink and preload.) The diagnostics are just as vague as ever, which is typical of Windows. What the hell are Self-Healing technologies? Windows never actually fixes its own problems and the standard fix for Windows problems still remains to be reinstallation.

"9. Unchain your mobile PC

Network and Sharing Center lets you set up a wireless network at home so you can experience the freedom of working from your living room, backyard, or anywhere in your home. "

Already mentioned this in #6. Other operating systems already had some pretty good network managers that usually try not to assume the nearest network is the one you want to connect to.

True story: My dad couldn't connect to the Internet from his Vista Home Premium laptop... it turns out Vista was trying to connect to a WEP protected router that wasn't even theirs! Fail.

Granted, many distros of Linux don't do automatic discovery, but they'll still assume you want to select your network so as not to illegally piggyback on your neighbor's network by mistake.

"10. Surf more safely

Dynamic Security Protection in Windows Internet Explorer 7 helps protect your PC and your personal information when you're online. Internet Explorer 7 also includes many new features designed to help protect you against malware. "

In fact, Internet Explorer is so damn safe that the National Security Agency is actually telling people NOT TO USE IT! Oh wait, it's because it's NOT safe. My bad. As for those "many new features" it is actually ONE new feature... a little sandbox bubble it runs in because Microsoft is too lazy to actually secure Internet Explorer. For example, getting rid of that stupid ActiveX feature would actually do WONDERS to the security of Internet Explorer. But that would actually force them to fix Windows Update, wouldn't it?

The reality behind Internet Explorer 7 is that it's actually Microsoft stealing features from Firefox and putting them into IE.

Use Firefox or Opera, don't use Internet Explorer, whatever you do.

"11. Help protect your kids online

Manage family access to Internet sites through centralized Parental Controls that let you set browsing controls that restrict access to inappropriate sites and give your children a safer Internet experience. "

Parental controls don't work very well, aren't new, and if the kids were smart (And they are.) they'll have cracked it or broken past it before too long and looking a porn and things. Or better yet, if they're really smart, they'd run a Linux LiveCD or dual-booting with Linux and wouldn't have to deal with the parental controls at all, thus basically fooling you into thinking that the parental controls are working.

"12. Schedule showtime on your time

Windows Media Center makes it simple to get your favorite television shows on your own time. Use a compatible remote control and the built-in television guide to find, schedule, and record live TV—and watch your shows on your desktop PC, laptop, or television screen. Don't miss a single episode! "

This assumes a few things: That you have a powerful enough computer with a TV tuner card with a hardware MPEG encoder installed and that Windows Media Center won't crap out like it's infamous for doing when trying to work with TV tuner cards. Use MythTV, it's a lot better.

"13. Because you need to know who the bad guys are

The Phishing Filter and anti-phishing technology in Windows Internet Explorer 7 give you a warning when you browse suspicious or known malicious websites—so you can help protect your personal information against fraud."

It's no secret that Microsoft's security features turn up too many false positives and not enough actual problems. As for Phishing, it's still social engineering, and all IE7 does is collect information from its users. There's an add-on called Web of Trust that does this a little better and protects the user from more than just Phishing.

"14. Make any room a media room

With Windows Media Center, you can access and project your TV, music, photos, and movies to any room in your house when you connect an Xbox 360 and other Media Center Extenders through your wired or wireless home network. Just grab the remote control, select your favorite entertainment from your TV or PC screen, and let the fun begin! "

Note that that's ALL Windows Media Center connects to. Linux MCE will actually scan your entire damn network, not caring if there's other "nodes" running. provided there's Samba shares and the like. Basically, WMC only wants to run with other Microsoft software. NOT as effective as Microsoft wants you to think.

"15. Because your PC remembers to back up for you

Windows Backup and Restore Center offers improved backup and restore functions, with automatically scheduled backups to preserve priceless digital photos, music, movies, and documents."

Assuming you put your photos where Microsoft wants you to... and sometimes it just plain fails to run.

"16. Get your new computer up and running in no time

Windows Easy Transfer makes it easier to set up your new computer by automatically transferring your important content, like files, folders, settings, and e-mail messages, from your old computer to your new one."

Only works if you are transferring from Windows XP or Windows Vista. If you use older Windows or Linux you're shit out of luck. Amazing how Linux will go out of its way to interoperate with Windows, but Windows will barely even acknowledge. it's existence. Worse, Microsoft will go out of their way to make interoperation very hard to do by changing the protocols they control, like Kerberos, SMB, or Exchange

"17. It's like having your own personal anchorman

Windows Sidebar brings live information—like weather and news, as well as your calendar and other applications—directly to your desktop for instant access. Just click, and you're up to date!"

As if the average Windows desktop wasn't cluttered enough. Now we have Microsoft's ripoff of Apple's Gadgets.

"18. Create your own personal archive

Scheduled and network backup features help you to protect yourself from data loss and to preserve everything on your PC to the backup location of your choice. Automatically schedule your PC to archive your priceless digital photos, music, movies, TV shows, and documents to another computer or hard drive on your network or other media."

Linux could do this for over 17 years now: It's called putting rsync in cron.

"19. Watch live TV on your PC

Windows Media Center makes your PC a super-powered TV set! Connect your television input to your desktop or laptop PC, and use a compatible remote control to watch live TV—and pause the action so you never have to miss a moment."

Repeated themselves again. And I'll say my same response here: WMC crashes more often then not when accessing TV tuner cards. MythTV is the way to go. Definitely.

"20. Set up your home network in a flash

Network and Sharing Center puts you in control of your network experience so that setting up, using, and managing your home networkN is a snap! Connect to your wired or wireless network, share a high-speed Internet connectionI and printers, copy files between computers, or take a break and enjoy your favorite online entertainment at home. "

Repeating themselves: It's about time Windows gets a semi-decent network manager. And they're a little late.

"21. Put more playtime in family time

Bring the whole family together to enjoy Chess Titans, Mahjong Titans, Purble Place (an exciting new learning game for kids) and other third-party games using Windows Media Center to play and watch on your TV screen. "

Not interested in any game WMC can provide. Not very fun, almost wannabe Flash games. I can do this with XBMC, too, it's either just playing my XBMC games on the hard disk or just playing XBox games. Nothing special.

"22. See everything you're working on at a glance

New Windows Flip 3D lets you flip through all of your open files and windows with a simple click of your mouse—so you can easily see and manage all of your tasks."

Repeating itself. Flip 3D is one of five total effects Vista has, and you can't even play with its settings.

"23. Because it's like a digital candy store

You choose the fun. Windows Vista has all of your entertainment—TV, games, music, movies, home videos, or photo slide shows—in one convenient place. Enjoy it on your PC, or gather friends and family around your home entertainment center, and let the good times roll!"

Eh. So can any media center PC running a media center operating system. This is nothing special.

"24. Because you don't want to worry about spyware

Relax, you're better protected. Windows Defender helps defend your PC against pop-ups, security threats, and slow performance caused by spyware by automatically scanning your computer and offering to remove any unwanted software that it finds."

Leaks like a sieve. Any PC guru will tell you to install 3rd-party everything when it comes to Windows security software.

"25. It works with the software, hardware, and services you want

Windows Vista is compatible with a wide array of software applications, hardware devices, and services to meet your computing needs. Just look for the Certified for Windows Vista logo to ensure you'll get a superior Windows Vista experience."

Hahahaha!!! That makes me laugh until root beer squirts out of my nose. My computer was "certified for windows Vista" and it barely ran properly. On top of this, there are HUNDREDS of reported hardware problems wherein Vista just didn't work despite the boxes claiming they're Vista compatible because Microsoft changed the driver and hardware model at the last minute.

Same goes for a lot of older software.

"26. Because you're a multitasker

Do you like to follow cross-links and jump from website to website? With Quick Tabs in Windows Internet Explorer 7, you can view thumbnail images of all your open webpages at a glance."

Feature ripped off straight from Firefox.

"27. Because your computer can keep up with you while you're on the go

Windows Mobility Center gives you a central place to quickly access and set all of your important mobile system settings, such as power, wireless networking, synchronization, and external display."

Repeating ourselves. You can do this without a media center on Linux, it's called SSH.

"28. Enjoy your memories, larger than life

Use Windows Media Center to share big, beautiful photos and home videos in full glory on your TV screen. Your entire digital photo and video library is all right there. Add your own soundtrack to set a party mood, or pass the remote to let friends and family join in the fun!"

Repeating itself. Any operating system, regardless of media center, can do this, except apparently Windows.

"29. Take the handwritten approach

Windows Vista offers digital ink input and handwriting so you can be more productive on the run. Tablet and Touch TechnologyA enables you to handwrite notes, make sketches, and quickly navigate through files or websites with a flick of a digital pen on an ultra-light Tablet PC."

Repeating themselves again. They mentioned Tablet PCs already, and I already said it was about time Windows actually supported them.

"30. Restore your PC in an instant

Windows Complete PC Backup and RestoreB takes a perfect "picture" of your PC's hard disks, so you can a complete backup of your entire PC—including personal files, system files, programs, and settings—which can be used if the system ever has to be completely restored."

Repeated themselves possibly, or this could be a renaming of a feature that's already been in Windows since ME: System Restore... which in my experience has been hell in a handbasket. Breaks the system more often then not, can reintroduce viruses, etc.

I like my approach with Linux better. Put my home directory on a separate partition. That way I can just reinstall Linux whenever I want and not lose anything important. I have yet to see Windows even do anything remotely like this, since it doesn't use a unified file system. Hell, to reinstall Linux, I don't have to waste a second on backing up my data.

"31. Because your PC lets you know if something's wrong—and helps you fix it

Windows Vista alerts you when potentially dangerous software is trying to run on your computer and helps keep your PC running smoothly by warning you when critical resources are low. Windows Internet Explorer 7 also lets you know when your current settings may put you at risk when you're browsing online and enables you to fix them easily."

As I said: Leaks like a sieve. Don't rely on Windows or any Microsoft software to tell you something is wrong, because more often then not it'll completely miss it.

"32. Streamline IT management across your business

Centralize management of PCs across your business network with expanded Group Policy support in Windows Vista. Configure security and network settings, and allow users to access data from servers offline or from multiple PCs on your network."

Yet another feature of Windows that other operating systems have had for years: Group policy. You have GOT to be kidding me. Linux has had this since it was created in 1991... UNIX since its creation WAY BACK in 1969! This is not a revolutionary new feature.

"33. Preserve a lifetime of memories

Scheduled and network backup features help you automatically back up your photos and videos to another PC or hard drive on your home network—so you'll never worry about losing your priceless memories. You can use Windows DVD Maker to burn your photos and videos to CDs or DVDs so you can and enjoy them on a PC or a DVD player for years to come."

Repeated itself. So I repeat myself: rsync in cron does the exact same thing. And, well, DVD-authoring software for Windows is a mixed bag. I'm willing to believe that Windows DVD Maker, original name, isn't that great.

"34. Connect to the network at work or school

Domain Join makes it easy to connect your computer to corporate or school networks that are set up to restrict access to users with a domain user name and password."

Took windows long enough. Linux could do this pretty handily. Maybe that's because Linux, unlike Windows, is actually designed for networking.

"35. Because you'll know each file when you see it

Search and identify your files faster—by sight. Each file icon in Windows Vista is a small visual of the actual file, so you can view it at a glance and decide if it's the one you want. A video file plays a short snippet of the full video. Adjust your icon size to your own preference to make searching even easier."

Linux had this for several years.

"36. Get a "do-over" when you need it

Experiment any way you like with your photo images. With Windows Photo Gallery Viewer, your original photo is automatically saved in case you want to see it or reuse it in a different way."

Meh, I like how GIMP does it: Almost limitless undos.

"37. Keep your info under lock and key

Windows BitLocker Drive Encryption provides full-volume encryption and boot integrity checking to help ensure that, even if your compatible laptop PC has been lost or stolen, the data on it will stay confidential."

Ubuntu Intrepid will be able to do it to specific directories, whereas volume encryption has been a part of Linux/UNIX for decades.

"38. It's the cure for red-eye

Make every picture perfect with the easy, built-in tools in Windows Photo Gallery—like Cropping, Red-Eye Removal, and one-click Auto Adjust to correct the color and exposure of your digital photos."

And GIMP lets you do more than just red-eye reduction and the like. Like photoshopping.

"39. Relive your memories…each and every one

Windows Photo Gallery makes it much easier to find, enjoy, and share that extra-special shot. Organize your images by date, place, person, star rating—or by any keyword tag you choose. Find your pictures at a glance, or use built-in instant search to sort through hundreds—or thousands!—of photos in a flash."

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP REPEATING YOURSELF ABOUT THE 5 NEW FEATURES VISTA HAS!!!

By this point, the poor fool who probably got this assignment is probably drinking vodka straight out of the bottle. I know I want to.

"40. Because you love what you do

With a myriad of new navigation and organization tools, Windows Vista makes it faster and easier to do nearly anything on your PC. Flexible information management tools let you instantly find and view your files any way that you want, so you can get through your "to-do" list quickly and focus on what you love."

Noooo... LINUX enables you to do anything you want with your computer by its very nature. Windows just lets you do what Microsoft decides it wants you to do.

"41. Because your PC will stay up to date, automatically

Windows Update routinely checks for the latest important updates for your computer and automatically downloads and installs them, so you can always be sure that your computer is current. "

FINALLY something other than Windows Media Center, Aero, or Photo Album!

Oh wait, it's Windows Update. Shit! Let me fill you in on Windows Update: It basically forces you to use Internet Explorer to set up, restarts your computer no matter how minor the update, takes forever to download and seems to inexplicably cause large amounts or hard disk thrashing. Oh, and when it wants you to restart, it sometimes actively FORCES you to do it: Nagging you every ten minutes or even starting a damn timer you have to scramble to cancel.

I liek Linux updates better: Fast, easy, covers almost all installed software, just not the ones you compile or bring in manually, is fast, reliable, only restarts for extremely low-level system updates, mostly just the kernel, and NEVER nags.

"42. E-mail your photos without worrying about the file size

With Windows Photo Gallery, you can easily compress your photos and home videos for convenient sharing over e-mail. The photo-video e-mail wizard walks you through the process of reducing the file size and sends off your memories in just a few steps."

Oh crap. Back to the Gallery. It can zip, probably using Microsoft's badly implemented compression libraries.

"43. It's parent friendly

Set the rules for your kids' PC time. With easy-to-use parental controls in Windows Vista, you can set limits on games, Internet use, applications, even hours of use, so you can help your kids use the PC more productively."

Repeated themselves: Already mentioned parental controls. And I say again, if the kids are smart, which they are, they'll either circumvent it or just run Linux bypassing it completely.

I did forget to mention that this feature was copied from Mac OS X.

"44. Because you have a need for speed

Need to speed up your computer? Simply plug a USB memory stick into your desktop or notebook computer and let Windows ReadyBoost do the rest."

In other words: Shorten the lifespan of the flash memory by doing swap on there. Linux can do that to, we just don't. Probably because Linux is already lightning fast to begin with, but also because we actually know a stupid idea when we see one, unlike Windows users.

"45. Because you hate all those boxes and wires

With Windows Media Center,M you can bring together all of your favorite consumer electronics devices—TV, stereo, DVR, gaming device, and personal computer—in one neat package, making a PC with Windows Vista the perfect entertainment solution for small spaces."

I'll admit it can do that just like any media center. But in my opinion, I think a media center should bring something else to an existing media center: DVR, the ability to play media from just about any source on the network, and a central system for managing the entertainment system.

"46. Your music can look as good as it sounds

See your music more clearly with Windows Media Player 11. Customizable album art and a stacking view of your music collection let you easily find and enjoy your favorites."

Bloated, can't play DVDs very well, if at all, URGE fiasco... need I say more?

" 47. Let the fun start now

Find your favorite entertainment faster—by sight. Windows Media CenterM shows you thumbnail pictures so you can identify your music by album art and your photos, movies, or TV shows by image and enjoy them as soon as you spot them."

... Just like any other media center. Not new, not revolutionary.

"48. Stay connected wherever you go

When you're out and about, improved wireless networking in Windows Vista makes it simple to find and join a wireless network at work, at home, or at your favorite public hotspot—so you can surf the Internet, take care of business, or stay in touch wherever you go."

Repeated itself. Said this three times already. The network manager is still crummy in comparison to Linux's.

"49. Take your workspace with you

Stay connected and effective wherever you are. Sync Center Stay connected and effective wherever you are. Sync Center provides one common place where you can easily keep other PCs, server shares, shared documents, digital media players, Smartphones, Pocket PCs, and other devices synchronized with your PC."

Integration is bad. In this case it feels like a swiss army knife: Not only can you sync with your pocket PC, but set up SMB shares!

I don't like it like that. It results in bloat and instability. One thing breaks everything else breaks.

"50. Get more out of the web

Tabbed Browsing in Windows Internet Explorer 7 enables you to simultaneously browse multiple pages on the Internet in one window."

Repeat. Stolen from firefox.

"51. Because you live to play

Windows Games Explorer makes it easier to install, organize, and play your games. Thumbnail graphics for each game give you detailed information, such as the game publisher, the genre and rating for each game, and when you last played."

That feature is a little nifty, albeit unneeded if there's supposed to be a start menu. Most the games I encounteres in there were simple shockwave.com-esque games. Some were fun (Diner Dash) and some were boring.

"52. Take control of game time

Manage playtime with tools that set time limits and control access to games with appropriate content for your family. Games Explorer lets you review and organize games according to game title, rating, category, or content. Parental Controls make it easy to monitor children's gaming activity and to restrict access to inappropriate games."

Wow... I'm speechless. They repeated themselves immediately after the point they repeated. Actually a dual repeat, talking about the Game Explorer as well as parental controls.

"53. Because you can get more done when you work together

Use Windows Meeting SpaceA to invite friends or colleagues to work with you on projects over the Internet, a company network, or an ad-hoc wireless network. Pass notes in class, swap photos at a favorite hotspot, or share your desktop to edit documents or take notes. "

OMG! For once they didn't repeat themselves. Anyway, this sound eerily like Gobby, that wonderful collaborative editor.

Still, could be useful.

"54. Stay entertained wherever you go

Use your portable notebook PC to record your favorite programs and movies with Windows Media Center,M and then watch them on the plane or in your hotel room."

My head is starting to hurt. How much must the flog this dead horse: I GET IT! WINDOWS MEDIA CENTER CAN RECORD CRAP! You've said this how many times now?!

"55. Because success tomorrow starts today

Windows Vista makes it easier to find, use, and share your documents, research, and other schoolwork. Organize files by date, place, or person—or label them with any word you choose—and find them in an instant."

Metadata on files is not new. Both UNIX and Linux actually use it all the time to identify files, it's a lot better then the filename extension system that even Windows Vista hardheadedly follows.

"56. Print what you see

Printing waste is reduced on the web with Windows Internet Explorer 7 because you can select just the text or pictures you want and pages automatically shrink to fit your paper so images don't get cut out."

Ahahaha. Printing on Internet Explorer is fundamentally broken. And inkjet printers waste the same amount of ink no matter what you do.

"57. Because you don't need a PC to watch your home movies

You can use Windows DVD MakerU to create professional-looking DVDs of your photos and home movies—complete with transitions and chapters—that you can watch on your home DVD player. That makes it easier to share digital photos and videos of your family events with all of the relatives—even if they don't have a PC of their own."

Talked about this one before. It would be a lousy DVD writer without that feature. Linux, however, has some LOVELY DVD utilities that put Vista's little toy to shame.

"58. Fill your home with music

With the media sharing feature in Windows Media Player 11, you can find, access, and listen to your digital music collection anywhere on your home network. With PC-to-PC sharing, digital media receivers, and other devices connected to your network, you can rock out in any room of your house—or in multiple rooms. "

Feh. I can do that using Samba and XBMC... I'm actually DOING that. Microsoft wants people to be locked in to Microsoft software, so wants to be sure that most media center devices only respond to WMP. Don't fall for ir.

"59. Make a masterpiece

Blend your photos and home videos into a rich movie experience, complete with soundtrack, titles and credits, and creative transitions."

That doesn't even strike me as having asnything to with Vista. It didn't even mention the DVD maker. So I'll go ahead and make an awesome DVD from Linux. Thanks for the tip, Microsoft!

"60. Because you want your video memories to stay true to life

Windows Movie Maker lets you retain high-definition quality as you capture, edit, and publish movies from your HD camcorder."

Windows Movie Maker is still not very good. I remember way back in Windows ME when this little gem of a program debuts. It was absolutely worthless. It still is. Use a real movie editing program and you'll be pleased with how much more you can do. And don't fall into the trap of thinking Macs are the only systems good at editing, either.

"61. Stand strong against hackers

The easy-to-use Windows Firewall with Advanced Security provides advanced protection to help shield you and your PC from malicious attacks."

Anyone who has used Windows XP can tell you, that Firewall is crap. Like Windows Defender, it does more harm than good.

I personally like the Linux firewall: iptables. It's very no nonsense "you're not coming in unless you're on the list" firewall that really means it. It also helps that I'm behind a router, though I do some port forwarding.

"62. Because it remembers what you like to do—and helps you do it faster

Windows SuperFetch helps improve PC responsiveness and helps make system performance more consistent by tracking which applications you use most often and preloading them into memory for quick access. "

Prefetching is a great thing, but it's something new to Vista (Something that existed for a long time in Linux.) It makes me wonder just what Microsoft is doing when they make their operating system? It's still not really caught up with the others.

"63. Help is always available

Whether you're a first-time user or an expert, the built-in Help System is designed to aid you in quickly learning new tasks, providing step-by-step support and solving problems that Windows Vista has not automatically taken care of for you."

All operating systems must have some sort of help. I find Windows lacks a lot of things that would be very useful to lost user: Man. The man command in Linux is probably the createst thing.. tells you how to use the software. No more, no less. Vista doesn't actually do too much for you, by the way.

"64. Keep your files confidential

Encrypting File System (EFS) allows you to encrypt files and folders—so if two people are sharing a PC, the data of each user is not available to the other. Windows Vista makes EFS easier to manage by allowing you to store EFS keys on smart cards."

What took you so long? Also repeat. Linux can do it to specific directories, no need to use an entirely different file system like EFS.

"65. Send a fax on the spot

Windows Fax and Scan makes sending and receiving faxes directly from your PC as simple as using e-mail. With fax templates linked to your address book, it's easy to retrieve a fax number, attach your documents, and just click to send. "

Who the heck faxes from their PCs? fax is still common, but it's usually easier just to fax from an actual fax machine. Scanning, meanwhile should be part of any modern OS and isn't really a feature to write home about.

"66. Because everyone goofs sometimes

Have you ever accidentally overwritten, deleted, or failed to save a file you were working on? Shadow CopyD helps you protect your data from accidental loss by automatically creating daily "restore points" that capture older versions of your files as you work. Quickly and easily retrieve documents that you might have accidentally deleted—even if you've never backed up your files."

The names insidious sound almost seems fitting. You want to know why hard disk space goes "bye-bye" really fast with Windows? It's features like this.

"67. Because e-mail is your lifeline

Windows Mail has new tools to help you stay in touch and focus on the e-mail that matters most, with new mail filters to help protect you from spam, phishing attacks, and malicious attachments. Built-in Instant Search lets you quickly find any e-mail, even if you have to sort through thousands."

Windows Mail == Outlook Express. Still insecure. Promises nothing new except the name change.

"68. Stay on top of your family's schedule

Windows Calendar lets you set up shared family calendars and automatic alerts, so you never miss an important event—whether it's a family celebration or just a reminder to pay the monthly bills."

Ladies and gentleman, we have: Microsoft iCal. It's like they're not even TRYING to hide that they stole stuff anymore. It used to be Microsoft would copy a successful feature from another operating system, wrap it in a buzzword, and pass it off as their own creation.

I'm almost disappointed.

"69. Because you want the quality of your printouts to match the quality of your work

Windows Vista brings next-generation printing technology to your compatible printer, helping it to deliver richer color for more lifelike photos, high-fidelity printouts, less waste from misprints, and improved performance that may reduce your printing time."

*Headshakes* Uh... Printing technology hasn't really changed much. I think Microsoft is actually promising too much, here.

"70. Your PC is ready when you are

Windows Vista has a new Sleep power state that enables you to use your computer whenever you want, without having to wait for the computer to boot up. Put your PC to sleep to save documents, applications, and data to both the hard drive and memory, and then restore your previous work session within seconds. "

This is the one and ONLY real thing Windows has over Linux: Linux is not very good at low-power states like suspend or sleep. But Vista didn't create all the ACPI states, and that includes this "feature."

"71. Keep your favorite things at your fingertips

Search Folders let you save a search and instantly run it anytime with just a click. Design and save a search based on frequently used keywords or other criteria, and your existing and new files will automatically show up in your Search Folder any time the search is run—regardless of where on your PC you put them."

Isn't this just the same as saving searches in earlier versions of Windows? Yep. It is. Nothing to write home about, Microsoft.

"72. Get the latest news delivered right to your desktop

Windows Internet Explorer 7 automatically detects RSS feeds so you can have personalized sports, news, or shopping feeds delivered directly to you, and you can stay up to date with new entries all in one place without visiting individual websites."

Feature stolen from Firefox... again.

Note: You don't need ANY Microsoft software to aggregate RSS feeds, don't let this marketing strategy of "With Internet Explorer, you can." fool you.

"73. Because your photos and home movies don't have to be stuck in your PC anymore

Windows Vista makes it simple to share your memories with friends and family—whether they're right with you or thousands of miles away. Present a rich multimedia slide show on your PC or TV screen at home. Easily burn photos and home videos with a soundtrack to CD or DVD with a compatible remote controlM—or automatically resize and send photos using the e-mail wizard in Windows Photo Gallery. "

REPEATING YOURSELF! You did so well for a while. Good god.

"74. Because your memories need a little mood music

Windows Media Center lets you set a cinematic slide show of your favorite photos to music—just use the remote controlM to select songs from your music library to create the right nostalgic mood."

Repeat.

"75. Because you want professional-looking photos from your own printer

Windows Photo Gallery guides you through an easy-to-use, high-fidelity photo print experience at home. Custom-print your pictures in crisp, accurate color with borderless printing, larger paper sizes, and international picture sizes."

It's not the software that determines print quality so much as the printer.

" 76. Because all the relatives want a copy of that special shot

Windows Photo Gallery makes it easy for you to order professional photo prints in a variety of sizes, finishes, and quantities over the Internet. Order prints instantly—just one click takes you online to order from your preferred retail photo finisher for mail delivery or pickup at a nearby store. "

Just another bell and whistle and a repeat.

"77. Capture a moment in an instant and release it just as quickly

Transfer photos from your camera to your computer in a flash with a simple import process into Windows Photo Gallery. "

Repeat.

"78. Because you've got more ways to take your music with you wherever you go

Using Windows Media Player 11, it's speedy and simple to send music files from your PC to your favorite compatible portable music device. PlaysForSure lets you know your music will come through loud and clear, so you can enjoy it anywhere you go."

Repeat. I do like the shuffle, though. though I think my GoGear's firmware is borked. Easily fixed.

"79. Let your music collection grow with you

Windows Media Player 11 makes digital music collecting easier, with new tools that make it simple and quick to rip CDs to your PC, get new tracks or a subscription from an online music service,I and enjoy a seamless connection to your portable devices."

If you like DRM-worthy WMA files, yes. I prefer ripping to MP3 or OGG, where DRM can't really happen.

"80. Because you're a media master

Watch TV, burn shows to CD or DVD, download a movie, and record the big game—all at the same time, with Windows Media Center."

Repeat.

"81. Because it makes your TV smarter

You can connect your PC to your television set and use Windows Media Center to access news, download movies, and get other information and entertainment from leading companies—right from your TV. With the Media Center television guide, you can schedule recordings of your favorite series and watch them whenever you want instead of just when the networks schedule them. Take your TV to the next level by using it to enjoy all of your digital entertainment—including photos, home videos, and music—on the big screen."

Repeat

"82. Presenting your new home entertainment hub: your PC

Use Windows Media CenterM and a compatible remote control to record and watch live TV, play movies, listen to your favorite music, and view your photos and home videos with high-fidelity visuals and surround sound—all from the comfort of your couch. Connect your PC to your TV and enjoy it on the big screen. And with an Xbox 360 connected to your wired or wireless home network,N you can get your entertainment in any room of your house. "

Repeat. God damn. Did they not even review this giant advertisement?

"83. It makes your desktop come alive

With Windows DreamScene,C you can showcase full-motion visuals like home movies or other video clips that take your PC desktop beyond simple static wallpaper images."

I can do that for free with Linux: xscreenwrapper or something like that. Allows me to do videos or even screensavers as my desktop. Not even remotely new.

"84. Sit back, relax, and pass the remote

Windows Media CenterM makes it easier than ever to access and enjoy all of your favorite digital entertainment using a remote control. Watch live or recorded TV shows, download movies, project your home video creations, view a cinematic slide show set to music on your TV or PC screen, and then pass the remote to share the fun with friends and family. "

REPEAT! FUCK YOU, MICROSOFT AND YOUR REDUNDANT MARKETING!!!

"85. Your PC can be multilingual

Support for multiple user interface languagesB means that multilingual households or people learning a language can install multiple languages on their PC and switch from one language to another without restarting the computer."

So does Linux. Hell Ubuntu supports over 60 different languages and many more different dialects. I don't think Windows has that much.

"86. Archive your media library

Scheduled and network backup features help you automatically back up your recorded TV shows, songs, albums, and playlists to another PC or hard drive on your home networkN—so you'll never worry about losing your favorite entertainment. Burn your digital media to DVD with Windows DVD Maker and create a media archive you can enjoy anytime on a PC or on a DVD player."

Repeat. Bad words. Sorry I dropped the f-bomb. *Whimper*

"87. Play the hottest new games

From simple to spectacular, there's a game for every age and ability—on your PC or online. Have more fun on your PC with cool new premium Windows Vista games like Chess Titans, Mahjong Titans, Purble Place, and InkBall."

*Sighs* Repeat. Even mentioned the SAME EXACT LISTING of games as before. Now I know this person has lost it.

"88. Take your game beyond the next level

Hit the latest high-performance games with ultra-vivid 3-D graphics. DirectX 10 technology makes gameplay more engaging and enables you to use the same game controller with both your PC and your Xbox 360. With faster performance and more stable connectivity, it's a blast to go head-to-head online against your best friends or other gamers around the world."

DirectX 10 was a crock. Game developers, seeing that Vista wasn't overtaking the market, decided not to start developing for DirectX 10, which was exclusively for Windows Vista. This is why they can't shake DirectX 9. Also, the idea that DirectX 10 runs on Vista-only technology is a big-ass whopper of a lie: OpenGL and SDL have both taken advantage of these so-called "Vista-only" technologies... in XP. Thus we saw some hackers easily getting DirectX 10 to work on XP. No real reason to, as I said, game developers kinda went "meh" at DirectX 10, which had very little anything new.

"89. Take your games to go

Enjoy your favorite PC or online games—wherever you go—on your laptop PC with Windows Vista. You can take advantage of faster, more stable connectivity that helps you stay connected with gamers back home or anywhere in the world."

It's called wireless networking. Not really a revolutionary thing that one can do this on a wifi enabled laptop. Fail.

"90. Check your e-mail without booting up your PC

With Windows SideShow technology, you can read an e-mail message, confirm a meeting location, or check an airline flight reservation even when your PC is off. Portable computers and other devices equipped with secondary screens enable you to view important information regardless of whether your laptop is closed or in Sleep mode."

Uh... they're saying that the ability for wireless devices connecting to the Internet is a Vista feature? That's a stretch. That'd be like me checking my e-mail with my Treo and saying that it was because of Ubuntu I was able to do it... despite the fact Ubuntu really... has nothing to do with it whatsoever.

Maybe I am missing something here.

"91. Take your fun with you

Sync Center gives you one easy place to sync up your pictures, music, recorded TV, and other digital entertainment with other PCs, server shares, shared documents, digital media devices, Smartphones, Pocket PCs, and other devices."

Repeat.

"92. Showing is more powerful than telling

With a Tablet PC and a digital pen,A you can easily capture a snip or screenshot of any object on your screen—whether it's part of a website, document, or program. Paste your snippet into e-mail messages, documents, IM, or other digital conversations to illustrate your point exactly."

Repeat.

"93. Work your own way

Tablet and Touch TechnologyA gives you new options for interacting with your PC. If touch input is available on your computer, you can use your finger to do many of the things you do with a mouse or a tablet pen."

Repeat.

"94. Because you want your wireless connection to be more secure

Windows Vista offers enhanced support for new Wireless Security Protocols, including WPA2, to help give you the confidence that your wireless connection will be safer."

Nobody, and I mean nobody who actually respects their network security will anything but WEP. WPA and WPA2 are junk.

"95. Take network files and folders with you

Be more productive when working offline. With Corporate Roaming and Offline Files and Folders,D you can take network files and folders with you on your PC and automatically synchronize with the server more efficiently when you reconnect with the corporate network."

Not new in Vista definitely not exclusively windows. I half expected this to be yet ANOTHER repeat about the Sync Center...

"96. Access your desktop wherever you go

Remote Desktop helps make it easier to more securely access documents and programs on your computer remotely from across your home network or across the Internet from another computer, so you can get work done wherever you have an Internet connection."

Not new to Windows, definitely not exclusive to it, either, and Microsoft's Remote Desktop software is slow and bloated. Not very good.

"97. Because your business doesn't need more than one scanner

With Windows Fax and Scan,Dit takes just one click to scan documents and images from scanners and multifunction devices connected directly to your PC or elsewhere on your network. Adjust your image settings, get a live preview, and share scanned documents via a routing list."

Repeat.

"98. Make your presentations more professional

Network ProjectionA helps you easily connect to wired or wireless networked projectors so you can share presentations, photos, and slide shows.N Connect wirelessly so you don't have to share cables or move equipment, and choose the appearance of your on-screen desktop display to leave a polished impression."

Most people just hook the laptop up to the projector, that way they won't have to fuss with something as unreliable as this, and they get universal operating system support from it.

"99. Because you get more out of information when you share it

You can more effectively share folders and files with others on your network with improved File and Folder Sharing that makes it easier to specify who you want to share a file with and the level of access you want to allow."

SMB... 3, wasn't it? An example of Microsoft attempting to break Samba in Linux by making SMB incompatible again. I don't think they succeeded this time. It's easier to create and look up shares in Linux, anyway.

"100. Because your network is the backbone of your business

Network Diagnostics and Troubleshooting provides built-in diagnostics designed to help you identify and quickly solve network connectivity problems."

9/10 it will just tell you that the cable isn't connected or some obvious crap since Microsoft's diagnostics software doesn't get very far before making premature conclusions.

Well there you have it... 100 reasons Microsoft gives the rather dim person to like Vista. I say dim because I think anyone with even half a short-term memory could tell that most of these were just some marketing zombie restating something said earlier... over... and over... and over.. and OVER... again.

I'll break it down for you:

1. Vista has 5 visual effects. You must get excited over them despite their lack of impression and high amounts of memory usage in comparison to just about every other compositing window manager ever made. BUT THEY ARE SHINY AND MIGHT POSSIBLY.

2. Vista has Windows Media Center and it can do a lot of things in theory, in practice, it is crashtastic software. Microsoft wants you to think that Windows Media Center is probably the greatest swiss-army knife they've ever created without actually putting truly interesting or innovative features in it. BUT WAIT, IT CAN LET YOU DO STUFF OVER A NETWORK WITH OTHER MICROSOFT SOFTWARE! OMG! ORGASM!

3. Vista DEFINITELY has another swiss army knife called the Photo Gallery, which has the ability to not only get photos from the scanner and digital camera and cards and things... but it also can publish them onto the Internet for you. BUT OMG! IT IS SO SHINY AND IT CAN ALSO MAKE WAFFLES! OMG ANOTHER ORGASM!

4. Vista has extremely badly implemented security features, a firewall that doesn't work very well and will just harass you about your own software, an anti-spyware that seems to get into the habit of blocking legitimate software. Virus can just walk right onto your computer, tipping their hat to Windows Defender as they do, and never get stopped. BUt OMG MICROSOFT IS SO SMRAT FOR MAKING THIS FOR US! OMG!

5. Vista apparently has a new network manager that fails just about as much as the old one, but in many new different ways. BUT NOW YOU CAN CONNECT TO YOUR NEIGHBOR'S WIRELESS WITHOUT DOING ANYTHING LOL!

6. There's one last swiss army knife called the sync center that not only seems to synchronize sdata with portables, but remote systems. I call it an rsync cop-off. BUT OMG IT IS SO AWESOME TO FLOOD MY NETWORK WITH MY HORRIBLE FILES LOL ORGASM LOL!

7. Finally, not said up above, but it seems Microsoft is 1. Not even trying to hide their stealing. and 2. That the average consumer of their software is really stupid. I mean seriously, how could NO ONE catch on to the fact that these "100 reasons" were really just 6 of them repeated over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again? That most these features weren't really new in Windows Vista? That a lot of these features were actually stolen from other operating systems?

Anyway, it took me several hours to go through this. Please enjoy.

OMG THE BEST ORGASM EVAR!!!